I tweeted this in my personal twitter
account to portray how I really felt during the last pageant I participated. I
begin to understand that I always struggle to put myself in the center of
society. I don’t want to be those attention-seekers who always have to say in
everything and just fake it to make it. I’ve always wanted to be true to who I
am and that way I can feel comfortable at the most. Most people would find it
difficult to “mingle” with me because of how self-conscious I am. That is the
thing. It is indeed hard to break my self-sonsciousness and I guess, people
respond it negatively. I am cool to be around with but I just don’t want to put
myself all out there, you know I’m saying? It’s almost inexplicable to
elaborate that kind of feeling.
I am hardly clueless why I have become
so stiff in making friends and it turns out to be quite a torture for me. It is
almost like I am not comfortable enough with anything, I don’t how to act, to
talk or even to laugh in front of them. I mean, it’s definitely a personal
issue and I wouldn’t blame anyone to take the guilt. It is so confusing to know
that I go through this kind of issue when in fact during the first pageant I
joined , I earned “The Best Congeniality”. It just hits me real hard to have
known this. I know that these couple of months, I don’t socialize much and i
spend most of my times in home, scribbling, surfing the internet, tweeting and
all that pretty self-involved activites. By encountering this, I gather the
urge to get this problem solved. I need to get back and be a normal social
person. Hashtag POUW!
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