Fuckery

I’ve never felt like this. My worries and fears have got me underwhelmed. I was down. Nothing could please the agony. I wanted to shriek but something held me back. I couldn’t understand. I wish I could. I didn’t know if it was this envious feeling or uncontrollable angst. I feared. I groaned. I screamed. But it didn’t change a thing. The harder I tried to comfort myself, the more the anxiety got in me. I teared up. I yelled. Nothing changed. Did it always end up like this? The villain had it all figured out. The loser would always get beaten up. The rich always got what he wanted. I contemplated. I questioned myself as I started to give in. I was about to break. All this time around, I mended. I started to believe that my life was a failure. I started to let it all go. I had no faith. My conviction faded. People disappeared as everything went upside-down. Was there any point of regretting? I wondered. Was there any point of trying? I figured that I was trapped in the uncertainty. The mystery of tomorrow was everything we tried to find out. Would it make any better if I quitted from the beginning? Would it lose the pain I’ve felt if I just gave it all up? I kept questioning and it seemed there was always no answer. I wish I knew better.