Kan-jen

I wish . .

Would like to share some of my thought that have been bothering me for the last couple of weeks. Okay, I have been mindfucked with the fact that I couldn’t afford to pay the tuition fee. Like Omaygash, I couldn’t think of any solution and quite frankly, I almost couldn’t sleep by just having it pass through my mind. The fee is expensive, I must say. And I think there’s no way I could pay it right away. I am frustrated. That I can say for sure. All I think about right now is my family and making them happy is what I aim for. To be in university and to be graduated there is one of the ways for me to make a better living. I desperately need money. I don’t know if I can get through this. You know, I am holding on to my faith and I certainly believe that Miracles do happen. It passes through my mind that I should get a part-time job. I blew my chance on being a teacher that I failed to pass the interview. I didn’t know what I could possibly if I were to get a job. I am crossing every finger and hoping everything will go just right. I solely depend on My God. He’s the only helping hand that I can count on. :’)

boomboomboom

“It is the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny. But I’ve gotta let it go.” I think I have to let go regardless of how madly crazy this feeling is I have been keeping. The thing is I can’t have you. More like there ain’t no way. Wouldn’t say I am not devastated but I kinda am. Being single and pretty much going through life where single is kinda miserable IS definitely no good. As much as I want to deny this, I am pretty much a sucker when it comes to romance. I mean, love is a hella wonderful feeling. Hey, I’ve been in love and it was definitely a joy that I triumphed. Anyway, I have got the chance so many remarkable movies this week. From My Week With Marilyn all the way to War Horse. Michelle Williams is as stunningly brilliant as she portrayed a troubled slash iconic slash famous Marilyn Monroe. I am fascinated by all the gestures, talking and even her movement. War Horse is as aspiring as any movie could have been. I thoroughly enjoyed the two movies, though. Nothing much happens this week though except knowing the fact that I’ll be having final exam semester 2. Everything has been a rollercoaster for me. You know the uni stuff, everything just happens to be fast. Ehm, what else should I write? I guess it’s the end then.

Rants

It’s early in the morning. I feel like writing. So, here it is. Just a perplexed thought. Not intending to offend anyone in particular. I just feel the urge to spit it out. I am sick of living with people whose lives are entirely full of bullshit. Pure bull fuckin shit. They say things that are meaningless, far from the word thoughtful and harsh. They are afraid of letting their truest to be seen. I am sick of hearing their nonsense. They are no good for me. They have never been constructive enough to make me better. They are fake scumbags and I have serious problem with that. They are cocky prick. Douchebags. They are fucked up. I despise them. I know there are so many anger going inside me. I even cry hating them because I actually can’t do anything about it. I AM JUST FUCKIN’ TIRED TO PUT UP WITH THEIR CRAPS. They are full of themselves and shit going on in their life. If I could run away from them, I would. I couldn’t. Being surrounded with so many negativity does make me negative. Sometimes, I just want to live life the way I wanted it to be. The way I’ve always planned from the beginning. Not any single person in this whole wide world gets me. Not a single one. I was alone, I have always been alone and I am alone. Nobody wants to hear craps about me. All they care about me helping them, entertaining them, being there for them. No one wants to eagerly listen to my fuckin’ problem. How is it with my day, my disappointment, all of my craps. No one. Not even my family. There, I said it. Meanwhile, I love each and every one of them. They don’t seem to care. About my friends, my lessons, my exams. They don’t give a shit if I got into writing competition, got into an organization. Then why did I have to work my butt off achieving things. . . ? They are all the reason why I’ve been strieving for perfection, How could they care less? How? I hate everyone. Everyone. I am actually writing this with tears drowning on my face. I am pathetic and I am aware of that. It’s not that I am cranky son of a bitch and emotionally disturbed. I need someone to bear this all along. I couldn’t do it by myself. I know I am ranting too much and believe me, If you’re not interested in any of my craps then leave. Don’t be hard to even feel pity. I need someone who is sincere. That’s all. Someone who beats his shit out in front of people, who is daring enough to admit his flaws, who is shamelessly frank about himself. Haven’t met one. Go make any conclusions and assumptions as you finished reading this. Excuze my lack of fuckery.

Highlight of The Day

Ujian State Philosophy jam 09.00 .
Berangkat dari asrama jam 08.30an dan nunggu si jangkrik Edwin dulu dan alhasil kita tinggal, gara2 si Gege gengges udah bacot ngambekan ;) eh pas udah jalan nongol si Edwin. HOORAY!
Sampe dikampus gue diruang B303, kalo gak salah megang toket deh. Disitulah ada sih Sofi dengan semua fiber kelebaiannya, tapi dia jadi protagonist tadi diem2 aja soalnya. Ada Kartika, Laras, Hafsa, Julia, Erynda dan lain2nya. Kayaknya gak ada teman batang dikelas gue :(

Okeh, pengawasnya sih nyantai bb-an tiap menit, mungkin sama doi yang baru kenalan lewat fb kali #modus Yah gitulah dan gak enaknya adalah dia ber-bb-ria itu disamping gue. Padahal fixed gue udah pake jaket, gue udah sampe buat contekan di hp dan alhasil, tangan perawan gue sama sekali gak nyentuh hp :& ;( Trus soal yang perbedaan Parliament sama Presidential Democracy itu nyampah banget deh. Yakali jaman gue belum akil balig itu soal KWN kelas 8an kalo gak salah pegang kenti.

Lanzut, rencana selesai ujian mau pada demokrasi open book dan open baju pas Accounting Exam. Boong deng yang kedua. Yasutralah gue dan anak2 yang lain pada menyerbu Academics dengan sangar. Apalagi ada bos Edwin dengan gagah perkasa bak Raja Keraton Hamengku Bujurwono ke 56 itu bisa kritis protes. Di telponlah dosen dan YES!YES! OPEN BOOK, MABRAW, Wassup Brow. HOLLA! Aduh penisku berasa naik halilintar di Dufan. Dingin Ngilu Seneng Gitchu AH! HAHAHAHA! Capcus ya neks, Kelar demo yang tertunda ke Mie PEDAS super Mampuslah kita. Maklumlah baru buka, kita kan suka mencoba yang masih perawan, eh maksud akika baru, cyin! Eh, pas sampe di tempat ono, eke curigation kayaknya dompet ktinggalan. OH MY GOODNESS, JESUS, Bunda Maria. Dompetnya gue tinggal dikelas. Gue inget banget gue taroh di bawah pantat pas ujian. Tanpa basa basi apalagi busuk, ngacirlah gue ke gedung kampus. Eh sumpah itu betis gue udah mengeras segede gaban, betis Pretty Airmani lewat deh rasanya. Pas sampe kampus, gue mintalah si OB namanya Amir *sempet apal nama* -____- untuk bukain pintu. Ohmamamia, pikiran gue udah dompet ilang aja. mampus ada duit gopeceng, kartu PU, smuanyalah, bisa dibunuh bokap gue nih. Kmaren BB, ATM, dompet lg. Besok penis lagi lupa install -_-. Untungnya Mas Untung yang main film Joshua itu ada DOMPET gue. Aduh kalo gue cium itu pak Amir, gue cium sayangnya dia cuma trima BJ. -_-"

HAHAHA. Baliklah gue ke mie super pedas mampus. Ada disitu GEGE, RINDAREMPONG sama Edwin anak pak pejabat sahabat karib Andri anak pejabat yang lain. Si Edwin pesen Mie pedas level 5 yang artinya pedas setingkat 50 cabe. Gue sama Gege yang level 0. Rinda level 1. Dan itu pedesnya pedes sepedes vajay tante Pamela yang sudah menopause. Yakinlah sumpah. Seriusan. Alhasil pada gak abis makannya. Apalagi Edwin, dia cuma berapa isep kayaknya langsung nyerah. Gue abis sih tapi itu juga campur keringet, dedikasi, kerjakeras dan seliter sperma. *boongdeng*

Udah segitu aja, tangan udah mengeras nih sekeras batang dibawah. Capcyus nanti diupdate lagise :P