Me being shallow-minded

I don’t like here. I don’t know whether I am taking the right path or not. It is just a plain blur. I feel like this is not something that I’ll be doing for a long term. My dream is a jumbled word. I need to get a grip and get it all together fast. I am not a visionary person afterall. Wouldn’t blame the situations either but I am heading nowhere. There will be no finish line that I could possibly aim. It almost feels like running with no end. I am passionate but never find the truest passion. Opinions and suggestions would make no use right now. People keep blabbing but never have they been competent in doing actions. They are worthless piece of junk. Yes, I am that person who dislikes hypocrisy and false promises. They have ruined my belief toward humanity.

Ever imagined people that are very close-related to you always say the nicest bullshit in front of you yet they still feel that they are so self-righteous and so confident in what they are talking about? I have been so silent for quite a long time now. I hate how society always agrees in almost everything they’re given. I mean, what is that? Are we ever gonna be satisfied with this very simple-minded people? They are narrow, old-minded, and childish. It is always infuriating just to even think about it. I don’t fucking care about being normal and perfection. All I need is doing what I’m very best at and making people that matter to me happy. Regardless of how ironic this could sound, I currently have no one to look up to. It’s hard to find people who could exemplify the best role model. People are bitter.  

Letih. .
Seperti diriku tenggelam dalam ketidaktahuan.Letih mengejar sesuatu yang memberikan ketidakpastian. Mereka tidak mengerti apa arti sebuah ambisi. Mereka tidak pernah tahu isi hati. Letih aku berbicara bila hanya dianggap angin lalu. Betapa aku mencoba dan berusaha. Tidak ada titik puncak dan tidak ada kata-kata yang menyemangati. Kadang aku benci melihat mereka tertawa. Ingin ku menghujat mereka yang mendapatkannya begitu mudah. Hidup penuh kemakmuran dan berkecukupan, tetapi masih mengharapkan yang lebih. Aku bukanlah manusia suci. Dosa pun adalah makananku sehari-hari. Berjuang menghindarinya pun adalah suatu kenikmatan yang susah dilepaskan. Aku tertegun di pagi hari. Berpikir apakah hidup ini memberi arti? Apakah nanti mereka akan menyeka namaku didalam ingatan. Apakah aku hanya seorang yang tak berfaedah. Aku ingin hidup dalam anganku. Terlihat indah dan bebas. Aku merindu hidup dalam kasih dan berkasmaran. Munafik bila aku berkata aku benci dicintai.