"I am no good. You should never hang your life on someone like me. I am more than just a person that appears to you now. I am more perplexed and complicated. Do you love me even with my dark side?"

menulispuisi

Tak ingin aku menanti

Menanti akan sebuah harapan kosong

Dibelai lalu diludahi begitu saja

Tak ingin aku jatuh akan semua kata-kata manis

Jika nanti hanya akan dibuang

Tidak digubris

Aku menangis 

Karena perasaan ini terlalu suci

Aku benci 

Karena telah menggenggammu terlalu erat

Goresan luka ini menggundahkan sukma

Berbaring dengan pulas pun aku segan

Kata "Cinta" hanyalah sebuah ilusi

Yang tercipta hanya untuk mengusik

Digunakan untuk melukai

Written for you.....


This couple of week, I couldn't hold on to the thought of not seeing you.
I long to see your magical smile
It feels like it's always been something missing if I hadn't had the chance to say hello
Last night, I dreamt about you
I was yours and you were mine
We were pretty much happy in my imaginary world
God knew that I didn't want to wake up from you
as I breathe in the glimpse of ours
I sobbed
I really hoped I fought for you even harder
I missed being with you
I craved our laughter
I wish I had enough guts to speak it out loud
I could never be honest about my feeling

Agonising Irony

I am supposed to be thankful for what I am and what I have accomplished but people have been giving me the negative energy and tough time. I couldn't help it. I am always defenseless and fragile inside. I am never gonna be good enough, am I? It seems like all my struggles and striving are for nothing. It has always been that kind of feeling when I don't succeed and they all look me in a pity. Although, I try my hardest to suck it all up and put on a giant smile in my face. I know I have given my all out and I feel like I earn everything with my own blood-dripping efforts. It doesn't matter if I had to face the failure. It doesn't matter if people look down on me like they always do. It doesn't matter if they still treat me like a joke. I keep on saying in my heart "It's Okay. We'll try next time". What upsets me is that it is so heartbreaking to let so many people down. Even, I couldn't help my own dissapointment. I cry right away. I sob in the tears of frustration. I am alone, and hold close my pillows. I need someone to listen to all my annoying rants. There is nobody. I've always been alone. It is so difficult to wake up in the morning and leave all the guilt away. Like there's something gets me inside that won't let me breathe as liberating as I used to be. I think nobody would ever understand this as much as I do. Agonising irony.