Proudest me

This is not going to be a so-called-bragging-self-proclaimed-awesome writing. I have this weird urge to write my thoughts out in my blog. I’m gonna start by saying that I am most definitely grateful to be me, Despite all the oddity and uniqueness that I am well-endowed, I am pretty elated that one particular sperm cell of my dad swam so swiftly to my mom’s egg and resulted in a magnificent me. That sounds biologically hyperbolic. Anyway, I’m not saying that I don’t struggle with my confidence and my low self-esteem. It’s just that I am at the point where I gather my thoughts carefully that I am supposed to be who I am. Yes, I’ve looked up to so many people and I am not denying that they don’t affect my point of view about my self-confidence.

I feel like I’ve grown up so much as a stronger person. I’ve gained a maturity that holds me to stay still when everything seems to fall apart. I believe that from every pain that cuts deep through my soul, I will pass through it. It has never come easy to me but I keep going. Looking back to the times where I find myself being called out, avoided and harshly-treated and I need to be thankful for all those miserable moments. Those aren’t even worth to be called “moments”. I pretty much realize that those have cultivated me to be the person who I am today. That I shouldn’t be  ashamed of anything. Those experiences have pushed me to beyond my limit and made me break all the boundaries.

There are lot of obstacles that hold me back but there are also plenty of wonderful opportunities out there waiting for me. Playing safe and restraining myself will not get me anywhere. This way has taught me to keep striving for what I want and what I believe in.

It amazes me that how people surround me and have so much faith in me. They have constantly given me the firing fuel to overcome anything. And believe me, there are so much to overcome. Dealing with the obviousness and the “what people think of you” has been the neverending issue in my life. I am always anxiously worried about people’s opinion about me. How are they gonna judge me? What if their perceptions about me are all awful? I figure that it’s not always pleasing people who don’t give a shit, rather it’s all about pleasing people who matter to me. The ones who deal with my flaws and still genuinely accept me for that.

I happen to have a lot of amazing people in my life who see me inside out and still love me. I happen not to flaunt it but I have to be thankful. It’s not like I force them to like me but they are willing to deal with me everyday because they always believe in me no matter what. They don’t fade but they stay the same.

In circumstances that I am under and for what God has created me this way, I am proud. I pity a lot of people who are so not confident in defining themselves. Each and everyone of us is unique in our weird way and the difference we share that somehow unites us. All I am saying is that there is nothing wrong with embracing yourselves. God has made you “serupa dengan Dia” so there is nothing to be ashamed of and you should be damn grateful for who you are. Peace out!